Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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