i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
