if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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