That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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