after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
