Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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