Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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