3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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