This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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