so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
