I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
