my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
