we have officially lost it.
I cannot find my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
