That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
