Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
