i don't like sucking hair
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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