why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
