So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
