now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Someone shit on the floor
I looked at my own cervix.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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