guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
