Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
