Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
