wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
