soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
