Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
