Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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