someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
