these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
