it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
