I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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