i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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