i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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