so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
