my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
