my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My dick has a subreddit
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