If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
