I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
