how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
