i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
