Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
