I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
