this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
