and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
