i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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