Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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