i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
