from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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