It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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