Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
