i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
