So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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