I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
