last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
