im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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