dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm jealous of your bromance
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
